My life in digital.

Moody...

nobody@vox.com(Melissa Sue) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 13:55:48 -0800

I just screamed at my five year old. What the hell is wrong with me. =(

Time for me to say I'm sorry.

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Mom's Night Out...

nobody@vox.com(Melissa Sue) — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 21:47:57 -0800

I went to Acapulco's tonight with my playgroup for MNO. This is the first time I had gone to a MNO. It was nice seeing them again, but I don't think I'll go again.

It was really distressing that I couldn't hear anyone's conversation enough to contribute. I just sat there and sipped my drink and ate my food. I would look from one mom's lips to another trying to keep track of the conversation, but it was just so tiring. An hour into it I wanted to leave. I ended up staying two hours and left with the first group of women that left.

I have a feeling that they think I was being rude. It is embarrassing to have people repeat everything all the time. I don't know these women well enough to ask them to, or to let them know what is going on. I know for those not in my shoes it may seem silly. But I don't want to be seen as different or to be coddled. I guess I just have to accept that there are some places I'm not going to be able to go if I want to be able to communicate with anyone.

But I don't want to accept that and it just gets me mad. I freaking hate this. And I hate that I'm crying over it.

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Hearing...

nobody@vox.com(Melissa Sue) — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:37:23 -0800

I had my hearing tested yesterday. I have a mild hearing loss in both ears, though my right ear is worse. I can get along without hearing aids, but I could definitely benefit from having them. It was suggested that I go to an ENT doctor next to see if there is anything else to be found out about it.

I'm not sure if I'd be able to just get an appointment for one without going through a lot of hoops. An Ear Nose and Throat doctor is a specialist, so I imagine I'd have to be referred by my imaginary Primary Care Provider. Hm...sounds like fun.

It isn't cheap to get the hearing aids either. Almost $7,000 for the high end, and $1000 for the lowest. From what I was told, the low end ones cover the entire ear canal and are uncomfortable with a lot of chaffing. Bah. I don't think getting any is going to be an option at this time.

I told my parents about it, and of course they want to know why I have hearing loss. I don't know. All I know is that it has been getting worse every year. I started noticing it about two or three years ago. People had said things about it before hand, but I had never paid attention to it before.

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Math, hmm...

nobody@vox.com(Melissa Sue) — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 16:04:10 -0800

My children currently use Sadler-Oxford Math with lesson plans through K12. I am trying to decide if I want to change over to MEP (Mathematics Enhancement Programme) which is put forth by The Centre for Innovation in Mathematics Teaching. It is a UK based program, but I'm fine with that. I'd have to adjust things when it came to talking about money (dollars instead of pounds) and other things that are country specific as they come up. I think I'll try a few lessons and see how it works for us.

I've been teaching the kids with "living" books the past few weeks. We are also doing a unit on China. Melody, my fifth grader, is reading The Swiss Family Robinson. Other than that, we're just rolling along.

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Flu woes...

nobody@vox.com(Melissa Sue) — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 23:21:25 -0800

The flu bug has our family in its grasp. Right now it is just myself and Lucian that are battling it, but everyone has had their share of it this past week. I attempted to get Lucian into the pediatrician's office, but the same old schpeel they fed me last time I tried to take him is what they fed me this time. My son has never been to the doctor. SHOCK! GASP!

Medical Neglect, you say? No; that would mean I have ignored his medical needs. I've tried to get him seen MANY times, but have been turned away. We have insurance, but when we attempt to utilize it to seek medical attention, we are told either

"You don't have insurance."
"You have a different insurance than the one you presented, and we don't take it."
"You have a different doctor and we can't see you, you need to go see that doctor."
"You could pay cash and your insurance will reimburse you."

The argument gets cyclical. I'll go to doctor A and s/he will say #3. We go to doctor B, whom Doctor A said was our doctor, and we are told either #1 or 2. If I argue, they look at me like I am retarded, and get hostile. I have attempted many, many times to get this cleared up with those that CAN fix it, and they give me a standard, "we'll research it, but it says here that [insert correct info here] so I don't know why that's happening. Just go back and tell them its okay." This is the exact reason I had absolutely no medical care while pregnant with Lucian. When something happened, I would just go to the ER because they CAN'T turn me away. This is what I've had to do with Lucian. This is what my husband has had to do. This really bothers me, because our ailments take away from those that are truly in need. The ER should not be our only recourse. My girls don't have this problem, because they have their primary insurance through their father's work and mine is secondary and picks up the copays. Our family simply does not have the money to pay cash and hope the insurance would reimburse us.

What is this terrible medical insurance, you ask? Medi-Cal. Yes, that state funded medical insurance so that no low income family will go without medical care is the exact one that is making it impossible for my family to get care. The workers that handle cases need to be retrained so this doesn't happen. And when they say they will do something, they should actually do it instead of blowing smoke up our butts just to get us off the phone. I know it is a hard job, and I appreciate the help they do do, but the condescension and downright lying isn't necessary. /sigh

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State of the Marriage, month 1...

nobody@vox.com(Melissa Sue) — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 19:57:05 -0800

Here it is, a month since our wedding. Since that day, we've seen the family grow by one (his cousin Genevieve had her son, Dominic), there's been trips to the hospital (Adam has walking pneumonia, Lucian went in after just in case), one of our daughters had a birthday, and 1/2 of our children are grounded.

Honestly, it feels like we have been married forever. Maybe it is because we've considered ourselves "married" for so long before we actually went ahead and made it legal. He joked that he wanted a divorce, and I asked him if he was going to do that monthly. lol

Adam's hours at work were cut to 15 hours this coming week. Which means he needs a new job. It is really unfortunate and it worries me. He is so freaking picky. We can't afford for him to be picky. I would like to continue to stay home and homeschool the children, but it might end up being impossible. This makes me sadder than I can adequately express in words.

I will continue to try and think positive, though. So, to summarize, we are doing good maritally, and we'll have to think on what to do financially.

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Updatey goodness...

nobody@vox.com(Melissa Sue) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 09:42:20 -0800

My cycle started over yesterday. With it, came back pain. I can do without that, thank you very much. Its still bothering me, but we aren't doing any running or walking today so I have some rest in that respect.

I don't know how I feel about it, though. I am happy, because I can keep training for the marathon, yet a little sad that there'll be no baby. There is always another cycle...another month. If its meant to be it will happen.

Its quiet over here. I have four children, and it usually is pretty quiet around here. Relatively speaking. When the girls are gone with their father the silence is deafening. And then its just the boy and I (when Daddy's at work). You can tell he misses his sister's while they're gone. I miss them while they're gone.

My oldest child's 11th birthday is this coming Monday. I invited everyone we could think of, and only one family is coming. It breaks my heart for her, but I hope she doesn't care. I found her birthday gift (finally) after searching everywhere for it. But in buying it, it left us with $1.80 in the bank. I've had to rely on friends to help us keep her party going. I am waiting on the second half of the child support to come in so I can pay them back. It bothers me. A lot. We normally don't have a problem with this...its been a wonky couple of months.

I had a dream that we lived in the apartments that Anita lives in, and that I told her nosey manager to mind her own business and quit being a stalker. In my dream, her manager kept following me around and asking why I didn't buy her cheesecake (when I went to a cake store), or who lives on whatever street (when I would go visit my family). I woke up creeped out.

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Adventures in patience...

nobody@vox.com(Melissa Sue) — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 11:54:39 -0800

My menstrual cycle is wonky. I'm on the fifth cycle since giving birth to Lucian on Mother's Day, and am currently three days late on starting cycle six. This doesn't mean much, since my cycles have been varying anywhere from 42 days to 26. Yes, I said 42. The secret of life! (If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm appalled! Go read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series RIGHT NOW.) Anyway...

I hate waiting. Am I pregnant? Am I crazy? Am just a bloated fish? All of the above? Meh. Adam thinks I am having "sympathetic pregnancy symptoms" because my friend Anita is pregnant. Who knows. I think he is wishing that is the case. He is of the "I want another baby, but I'll freak out if it happens so I'll deny it to my last breath" variety. I got him to admit he wouldn't mind another late last month, but of course he denies it now. Ah, well.

So...now what. Twiddle my thumbs? Take a test? I'm going to try to wait to test until Sunday, when I'll be a week late, if it hasn't come by then. We shall see.

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It's like that...

nobody@vox.com(Melissa Sue) — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 03:25:36 -0800

Life. It can be such a booger. The kind that just gets stuck to your finger and won't let go, no matter who hard you fling your wrist about.

Or is it like a cranky infant that refuses to go to bed so you can sleep. Mmm...*looks at clock* Yeah. It's like that.

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Knit Wits...

nobody@vox.com(Melissa Sue) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 11:29:20 -0800

I love it!

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